I Know You Won't
by feris16
Summary: [based on Carrie Underwood's song I Know you won't] Rachel is done with putting up with Noah's betrayal and decides it's time to make a final decision. Rated M for language and mentions of sex. Maybe have explicit sexual content in future chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I don't own Glee or the song I know you won't by Carrie Underwood.

She was standing in the middle of the room, staring for the last time at the place she had called home for the past 5 years. Her 18 months old son Aaron Finn Puckerman was on her hip, his little head resting against his mother's shoulder as he sucked his thumb. He looks so much like his father and her heart broke that much more as her gaze moves from her son to the now emptier room, all hers and Aaron's things were gone, they were packed and on a moving truck on their way across the country to their new house, all that was left was Noah's things and most of the furniture they had got together. She didn't wanted them, she didn't want all the memories that came with them, she was moving because she couldn't deal with all the memories of the happiness they once had, the hurt and sadness that has now all around the place but specially, she wanted to get away from what could have been, everything they planned for the future and that now was gone, destroyed just like her heart and her dreams of a family and happy endings.

Rachel held her son tighter to her as her eyes welled up with tears and she was trying hard to hold it together, she had to be strong for the little boy in her arms, he needed his mommy to be strong because his life was changing so much already. Aaron pulled his head from her shoulder and looked at his mom's sad face and teary eyes, "**_Mommy, where daddy?_**" and that's all it took, three little words from her son and she crumbled down, tears now falling freely from her eyes and she began shaking. Aaron was so confused seeing his mommy crying like that, so he just wrapped his chubby little arms around her neck and hugged her tight, as Rachel held on to him for dear life. Her little boy was the only thing keeping her from falling apart completely, from giving up, he was from now on her only reason in life, and he was so innocent; he was only asking where his daddy was but how could she answer that?. How could she tell his 1 and a half year old son that his daddy wasn't here and he wouldn't be seeing him in a while? How could she tell her son that she was divorcing his dad? What words could she possibly use to explain to her innocent baby boy that the reason his dad wasn't there with them, the reason his dad had not been there more and more for quite a while now, was because his father was cheating on her, that he had another woman and that he rather spend his time with her instead of with his wife and son?. But there wasn't any words, she couldn't explain that to him, he was still so little, so Rachel did the only thing she could, "I'm sorry, baby. I'm so so so sorry. Mommy is so sorry! It's just you and me now, baby". She kissed his forehead repeatedly as she sobbed, "But he loves you, baby boy. Daddy loves you so much, I know he does, that will never change. I'm the one he stopped loving. I'm so sorry Aaron…Mommy is sorry that she couldn't keep your family together. I'm sorry for failing you, sweetie. I just hope one day you can forgive me". She couldn't keep talking, she just weep, and holding her son tight against her as her sobs raked her body.

"_He has nothing to forgive you, Rach. If someone needs to beg for his forgiveness is Puck, not you. He is the one that cheated, he is the one that destroyed this family. He had the best woman in the world, he got you to marry him and he was one lucky man to have such an amazing little boy…and he was the idiot that gave it all up for a cheap…toss on the sheets_", Sam bite back the bad words because Aaron was a little sponge, but he couldn't hold back his anger. He had been friends with both, Puck and Rachel since high school, he knew what they both had gone through and he just couldn't believe Puck had done this with their marriage, he couldn't believe he'd done it to Rachel. Ever since he found out he had been itching to beat the man he once thought as a best friend into a pulp, if he didn't jumped on a plane and came to L.A. to do that was because Rachel had begged him not to, and made him swear not to tell anything. How could a man be so stupid and throw away the best life any guy could hope for, all just because of sex, even more, sex with Quinn Fabray?. Sam pulled a shaking, sobbing Rachel into a hug, rubbing her back and trying to comfort her. He heard footsteps coming to a halt and then a small gasp, followed by a slender figure rushing towards them.

"_Oh honey, no. Come here, don't cry_", Kurt pulled Rachel into his arms and tried to calmed her down. Sam still kept his hand rubbing soothing circles on Rachel's back. Aaron pulled back and looked at his mother, his own hazel green eyes full of tears too, "**_Yeah mommy, no cry. Me no like mommy sad_**". Rachel didn't want her little boy to see her falling apart like this, she was the mom, she had to be strong to protect him and hold him when he cried not the other way around. So she pulled herself together because her son needed her, she had him, even if Noah had taken everything from her with his betrayal, even when he had hurt her more than anyone before, he had given her Aaron and for that she would be eternally grateful. She wiped her tears away and smiled at the baby boy, "I won't cry anymore, okay honey? Mommy won't be sad anymore", the boy nodded and gave her a kiss, "**_I wove you mommy_**", he said as he gave her a tight hug, "I wove you more, munchkin". She stood there hugging her son until Sam cleared his throat, and they pulled apart and turned to see him, "_Come on, little man let's go make sure we have all your cars in the bag", _the blonde man opened his arms for the kid and the little boy jumped on them, "**_And me panes, Ucle Sam. No leave me panes", _**the blonde chuckled as he carried to boy to the door, "Of course we won't leave your planes, buddy". The boy loved his planes and his toy guitar because his daddy liked both of those.

Once they were out the door, Kurt enveloped Rachel in a tight hug, "_You're not alone on this, sweetheart. We're right here, and I won't leave you alone. We're gonna take care of you and Aaron. You have us, Rach". _And she hugged him that much tighter because she really needed to know she wasn't alone, it felt like a weight been lifted off her shoulders knowing someone cared and had her back, because she had felt so utterly alone for so many months; it was a relieve to know she and Aaron had people there for them to lean on through all of this. And once again she knew she had done the right thing by calling Kurt and Sam and asking them to come and be with her for this, when she finally packed her things and leave her cheating husband.

It wasn't easy, not at all, in fact it had taken her a long time to finally have the courage to make a decision instead of just hide. She must be a hell of an actress because for months she had pretended her husband wasn't cheating on her with his ex-girlfriend, and that her marriage was still the bond of love she had vowed to never break instead of the joke it really was. Rachel had planned this carefully, she had to think 4 times before making any decision because Aaron was in the middle of all and she would never hurt him, so she had to do this right. She had been slowly setting it all in place, she had talked to her agent and he already had quite a few job offers for her in NY, she had called her best friends and asked them to help her find a place for them, everything was done. She had found the invoice for the hotel reservation in Napa for the weekend about 3 weeks ago, that's when she set everything in motion. She had begged to Noah to take time off and take her to Napa, just the two of them, for a romantic getaway for months, she had talked no stop about how amazing it would be to be there with him alone, and he was always busy, but he was taking _her, _he was taking Quinn. She had held a tiny little hope that he would surprise her, so she waited, 3 days after finding the invoice he told her he had a business trip on that exact weekend, and it was then, in that exact moment, when Noah lied to her face for god knows what time, that she finally gave up on him, on their "love" and on this marriage. Rach settled everything and then called Sam and Kurt and told them she was leaving and asked them to come because she needed them, and so the day Noah left for his "business trip" they arrived, helped her pack up her and Aaron's things, put them in the moving truck and shipped them to NY before the four of them fly there this afternoon, before Noah came back. She couldn't yet believe that 6 years of relationship, 4 of marriage, were all ending now, and like this; but it had to be done, she couldn't keep doing this to herself and to her son.

Kurt looked her in the eyes and asked if she was ready, and she nodded, grabbing the two envelops from the table and heading to the master bedroom. When she entered she felt like she couldn't breathe, all the memories came rushing back, all those times Noah had made love to her in that place, and the times they just laid in bed, cuddled into each other talking. Rachel walked over to the bed and slowly ran her hand over the mattress wandering where had all that love went? What happened to the man she love? Because the Noah she fell in love with would had never done this to her and their family. She let one tear fall, one tear, which was all she would give him anymore. She placed the yellow envelop on the bed and on top of that the smaller white envelope with his name on it. Then she walked to the stereo that was on the side of the room and put in the CD she had made, it contain only one song, the song she had wrote for him. She put it on loop so the song would be played over and over again until Noah came home, she knew she had at least another 5 or 6 hours before that happened. She walked out of the room after one last look around and then headed back to Kurt's awaiting arms, she grabbed her purse and carry-on bag and they headed out to the airport.

Rachel stared out of the window the whole ride to LAX, watching the city she had called home for 5 years. She remember the day she moved here, Noah had been waiting for her outside the gate with the biggest bouquet of red roses. It had been a year since Noah had been deployed and injured during an ambush, exactly 10 months since he showed up on her door in NY telling her he was in love with her, that he had realized he made a mistake getting back together with Quinn and that when he thought he was living his last minutes of life she was the only one in his mind, and he got her and her heart right there and then. They began dating that day and 4 months later Noah got promoted and offered a position as flying instructor on a base an hour away from L.A. They lasted 6 months on a long distance relationship until they couldn't take been apart, so Rachel packed up her life and moved to L.A., living friends, career and everything else in NY because her heart was here. They began living together and despite their fights it was perfect. A few months later she got a role on a new t.v. show, that turned out to be a hit show for 4 years. 6 months after moving Noah got down on one knee and asked her to be his wife, one year after arriving at L.A. she became Mrs. Puckerman in an amazing ceremony overlooking the ocean, her dream wedding. Noah left the air force and became an sports agent, he became partner with his brother Jake and with Matt Rutherford, who had been doing that since graduating college, their agency became one of the best in the west coast, almost all of the Lakers and the L.A. Galaxy were their clients. A little over two years ago she had found out she was pregnant with Aaron and they couldn't had been happier, everything in their lives was working out great. Noah's business was thriving and her show was on its last season, which leave her free to enjoy her pregnancy and motherhood. She took a sabbatical after Aaron was born, becoming a stay at home mom because she wanted to spend every minute with her baby, not wanting to miss anything of him, and it was the best decision because her little boy was amazing, he was the light of her life. 8 months ago she was offered to make her first album and she accepted and had been working on that since then, her agent had arranged that she would finish the recording back in NY now. And it was around that time she found out Noah was cheating on her with none other than Quinn Fabray. Rach had suspicions for a couple of months but she refused to believe Noah would cheat on her, it wasn't until she accidentally saw a text where they set a date for them to meet. She followed him and saw them kissing. She was so mad at first, furious, she wanted to ripe their heads off, but when she came back home hell bent on confronting him and throwing his cheating ass on the street, she watched Aaron sleeping peacefully and she became terrified. She was scared to death of raising him alone, she was afraid that is she break his family he will grow up and hate her for that; and she couldn't do it. Deep down she knew she was scared of losing Noah for herself too, so she hold it up, she pushed the truth aside and pretended she didn't knew everytime he lied to her to go be with Quinn, she pretended not to smell her on him late at night, she pretended he wasn't distant when they made love, and then she pretended they were still making love instead of having sex because Rachel loved him so much and couldn't picture her life without him. Bu even the best actress can only pretend for so long, because not even the bravest men would voluntarily put themselves through daily torture forever, the rest of her life was too long to live with no love and no dignity.

The arrival to the airport, the security check and the boarding was a blur to her. Before she knew it she was on her seat, with Aaron asleep in her arms looking out the window to the clear sky. Her mind wandered back to two nights ago, the night before Noah was going away, she asked him to come home early and he had agreed. He got to spend some good quality time with Aaron, they played on the pool, played with his toys and watched a movie before Noah read him a story and put him to bed. Rachel knew this was her last night with her husband, this was the last time she would be Mrs. Noah Puckerman, tomorrow after he was gone she was gonna packed her belongings, grab her son and leave him so he could finally be free to be with the woman he really wanted. But that night, just for that night, she was going to be selfish, she wanted to make love to the man that she loves more than anything and just forget about the fact that he was the same man that had been slowly killing him with his lies for months. That night she brought out the champagne, put on her sexiest lingerie, played their song (the same song he sang to her when he came to NY for her, the one that was playing in the background when he proposed and that he sang to her on their wedding day), lit candles and made love to her husband all night. And she did made love to him, she poured all of her into that moment, put her heart and soul into every kiss, every touch, every caress, every thrust, every hushed whisper, every I love you; all the love she had for that man was pouring out of her because that was the last time she would have him like this. When he fell asleep, after hours of love making she just stared at him and watched him sleep, committing into her memory all his features. The next day when he left she told him I love you looking him deep in the eyes, and kissed him for all she was worth, she then made Aaron hugged him super tight and tell his daddy he loves him and then watched him leave. Rachel then closed her eyes and replayed in her mind that last night with her Noah.


	2. Chapter 2

**I Know You Won't **

**Chapter 2**

**A.N: Here is the second chapter of this story. I hope to hear of all Puckleberry shippers out there and hopefully you like the story. Please Read &amp; Review! **

Noah had no idea what was happening to him, why was he feeling like this all of a sudden?. He had been cheating on Rachel for months now, and yes at first he felt so guilty he couldn't ever look at her in the eyes, sometimes he still couldn't, he knew this was wrong, so wrong but he couldn't help himself. Quinn was like crack, he knew it was bad for him, make him sick, turn him into someone he was not, someone he despise and yet he needed to get his regular fix of it. Noah Puckerman was a bastard son of a bitch, he had a wife he loves because yes no matter how screwed up it sounded and even when he was cheating on her, he did love Rachel more than anything in his life. She and Aaron were his everything, they were what gave his life meaning. And that's why he couldn't explain why if he loved his wife and family, did he went and sleep with someone else, and Quinn of all people! He knew, he knew that if Rachel ever found out that he was sleeping with Quinn that it would kill her, just imagining that shattered look on those big brown eyes he loves so much made him shiver; he knew Rachel would never forgive an infidelity, she had told him that time and time again. So why had he done it? The one thing he knows Rachel could never forgive, why was he risking the most precious things in his life?. Because he was a fucking moron! Because he was drunk and gave into Quinn that first time and then could stop, and if Rachel ever finds out…. "No", he shook his head, "Rachel won't find out, ever. She CAN'T find out", the idea of losing her was much too painful, so every time it came to his mind he pushed it away, because he was a selfish bastard that knew he was playing a dangerous game but refuse to acknowledge the possibility of his actions costing him the love of his life and his child.

But something was different this time, ever since Quinn convinced him to take her to this damn hotel in Napa he had a bad feeling about this, so he had been extra careful so Rachel didn't suspect, he had covered his ass like every time before. Usually every time he was with Quinn it was like he was on a daze, one that pushed all the guilt and images of his wife out of his mind, but not this time. This time Rachel had been present in his mind all the time. The way she acted the night before he left, the way she set everything up for them, their song, the lingerie, but most importantly the way she gave herself to him, so completely, so utterly his. Making love to his wife had always been a heavenly experience, no matter how passionate and raw they could get there was always so much love there, but this time it went beyond that. He felt so connected to Rachel, like he could see deep in her soul and all he saw was love and something else, something that left him feeling weird. He thought be with Quinn would made him forget that, but it was the opposite, it made it worse. He even got as far and stopping and told her he couldn't do it, he couldn't be with her, but Quinn Fabray knows how to fuel his lust and she ended up seducing him into sex, but right after he was down from his release he felt disgusted with himself. He couldn't get images of Rachel's loving surrender to him out of his mind, even as he was fucking Quinn he was thinking of his wife. Because the big difference was that Quinn was just a fuck, a great one, but never more than a fuck; but Rachel, his Rachel, she was love in its purest most amazing form, and he didn't deserved her after doing was he was doing to her. It wasn't until the first morning in Napa that he realized why this damn hotel sounded so familiar to him, it was the same hotel Rachel had been begging him to come on a romantic getaway. He hated himself in that moment, he was in raged with himself, and he couldn't believe he had done this, he had brought his mistress here when his wife, the love of his life, had been begging him to come for so long. He knew then why he felt this way, what he was doing to Rachel was wrong and heartless but he had reached a whole new level of low this time, and even if Rachel have no idea, he was going to make her up for this, he had vowed himself that he will.

He kept telling himself that since he realized what he did, he told Quinn this was wrong, that they needed to stop, but she cried and begged him not to leave her, that she wasn't asking for anything more than what he could give her, and then they had sex again. But he made up his mind, he had been spending too much time with Quinn when his true priorities were pushed aside. When Rachel asked him to come home early before his trip he did it more out of guilt than anything else, but spending that time with his son, and then the night with his wife made him realize that he was missing out on something priceless and all for a meaningless fuck. Spending time with his little boy, playing with him, watching him smile and laugh and be amazed at everything, putting him to bed and having him telling him he woves him had made him feel like her was the man, like he was worth a million bucks, when in fact he was a worthless cheater. He was going to tell Rachel he was going to 'work' less and spend more time at home with them, Quinn will just have to deal with seeing him less.

Noah stopped at a flower shop and got Rachel a huge bouquet of red rose, her favorites, and then went to buy his son a plane because he knew he loves them, and they will play with it when he get home. He was anxious as he speeded a little more, he couldn't wait to get home, kiss his wife and picked his little man in his arms and see their smiles at what he got them. As he made his way home he couldn't remember the last time he was this eager to get home and be with his family, and then he started thinking back to when Rachel moved here and how they both ran back home as soon as work was over and told each other how much they had missed the other on those hours they were away. How could he had let himself forget that? How could he had neglected Rachel like that? But no more, he wanted to feel this excited every night again.

When he pulled over outside of his home, the house looked dark. He shrugged and got his bag and the presents he bought and made his way inside, "Rachel, baby I'm back!" he called out as he shut the door close. But he didn't got a response, and when he turned around all the lights were off. As he walked more into the house he felt a shiver in his back, the house felt different, "Rachel? Aaron?". He turned on a lamp and looked around the dimly lit room, it looked different, something wasn't right, he didn't knew what was different but he knew something was up. Worry washed over him, what if something had happened? What if Rachel and Aaron were hurt; that sprinted him into action, he ran up the stairs two at a time calling out for them, "Rachel? Aaron?!" When he reached the top of the stairs he heard something, music, coming from the master bedroom. He then breathed a sigh of relief, Rachel and Aaron were probably having a bath and just haven't heard him, he walked towards the bedroom and then stopped outside the door, the music was Rachel's voice, she was singing, but he couldn't place the song. Her album!, it was probably one of the songs of her album, she had been working so hard on that and he was so proud of her. He opened the door with a smile, "Baby that song sounds ama-", the room was dark, he turned on the lights and saw the music was only the stereo. He quickly went to the unsuited bathroom, dark and empty too. Noah shook his head as he walked back into his room, there was a hole in the pit of his stomach, something wasn't right. And that's when he saw it, on the bed, a white envelope with his name on Rachel's handwriting. Noah felt a cold sweat going down his body, this was bad, this was bad, his mind kept telling him as he took the envelope with a shaky hand. Running his other shaking hand through his hair before opening the thing and pulling out the letter.

_My Dear Noah: _

_This is probably the hardest letter I had ever wrote, which it's appropriate considering this is also the hardest decision I've ever made in my life, but I had no choice. By the time you read this letter me and Aaron would be long gone. Almost 6 years ago you showed up at my door and told me you loved me, and in that moment you stole my heart and I willingly and happily let you keep it, I fell completely in love with you then and I haven't stop since. When I made the decision to move to L.A. it was actually quite simply one to make, yes my life was in NY but my heart was here and I couldn't live without my heart…_

_And I think that's what makes this decision so hard to make now, because you still have my heart, you might not want it anymore, you clearly don't care about it anymore since you completely destroyed it, but to my bad fortune my heart, or what little is left from it, it's yours. Or was yours…..You see Noah, that's the thing here, I don't know if there's anything left from my heart to be yours, you should know since you're the one that took a sledgehammer on it and broke it into a million pieces. _

_I tried, Noah. I swear to God I tried. I tried with all my strength to keep this marriage, to make it work, because I made a vow before God to always love you, and I made a vow to my son to fight tooth and nail and don't give up on this family. But everything has a limit Noah, and I reached mine….I'm leaving you, Noah Puckerman. I'm leaving because I finally realized you can't save a marriage alone, especially not when there are three on this marriage. I'm leaving you because after months of hoping and praying you'll realize what you were leaving behind and chose our family, I finally see you had already made your choice and I was just too blind to see that you chose Quinn. Yes, Noah, you aren't that smart, you may be able to lie to everyone, even to yourself, and you've had the nerve to lie to me to my face, look me in the eye and blatantly lie to me and you really though I was stupid enough to believe all your lies. Turns out you aren't a good liar, but I am a hell of actress….Because for the past 8 months I've known you've been cheating on me with Quinn Fabray, and decided to pretend I was the stupid little wife that didn't knew her husband was fucking his ex-girlfriend. _

_The day I found out I was so mad at you, pissed beyond words, you cheated on me! I saw you kissing her, I read the texts!. I came home so ready to confront you and kick you out, but then I watched the perfect little boy we made together, out of so much love (at least from my part), and as I watched him sleep I thought what if he grows up and hates me for taking his dad away?, for throwing him out without fighting for this family?. And truth be told, I was terrified, the idea of losing you, of living my life without you, or raising Aaron alone, it killed me. It terrified me so much, that I did something I always swore I would never do, I turned a blind eye. I pushed those images of you and her and all those sickening feelings down and pretended. I pretended I believed all your lies, I pretended I didn't knew you enough to know you were lying, I pretended that ache in my heart wasn't because my husband, the man I loved like anything in this life, was lying to my face without the sightless remorse. I pretended that you didn't tasted of coconut when you kissed me after being with her, I pretended I couldn't smell her disgusting sweet and cheap perfume on you when you came home. I pretended I didn't noticed you closed your eyes and turned away when we made love when we always used to looked at each other's eyes as we reached our peaks together, I told myself even when I could feel you more and more distant, that we were still making love every time because it hurt so much to admit to myself that I had become just sex for you, a marital duty you had to fulfill in order to keep me from suspecting you were really making love to someone else. But the truth is Noah, that every time you lied, I knew; every time you came home from her I could smell her; every time we had sex I knew it wasn't love making anymore. And every time you did that I died a little inside, and even the best actress can only pretend for so long. And as much as I would like to consider myself the greatest actress, I'm too weak as a human being to keep putting myself and my son through that torture. _

_My son, my Aaron, he's been the only thing keeping me alive for all this months, he's the reason I've been putting up with this joke of a marriage. I guess, deep down, I kept holding on to this because I hoped somewhere inside of you there was still a little bit of love for me. But once again, you've prove me wrong, Noah. You know what I don't get, why you didn't just told me you didn't love me anymore?. Yes it would had hurt, but I can assure you I would had hurt a lot less than this. You killed me, Noah! And it wasn't a fast, merciful death; it was a slow and painful one. Every day you were with her, with every lie, you killed a little part of my heart. It's so hard to believe this happened, you know? That this is the way we end, I thought we were gonna grow old together, have more kids, watched them grow and form families, be good people. What happened, Noah? Where is the man I feel in love with?, the man I left everything for? Because I'm sure I marry that man filled with hopes and dreams for a future together, and I miss him so much!. But that man, MY Noah, he would had NEVER cheated on me. Where did he go?. _

_You have no idea how much you've hurt me, how much it hurt to see you with her, it was like someone was ripping my heart out. No idea how much pain it caused me to know that you had lied to me, only to have the pain be doubled every time you lied to my face. I always thought what hurts the most about infidelity was seeing or knowing the person you love is with someone else, but no, what hurts the most are the questions. Wandering what is wrong with me? Why, When did I stopped being good enough for you? What did I do to make you go to her? Was I that bad in bed? Was it the pregnancy? You stopped finding me attractive after I had your child?. That, that's what is the most painful, that feeling of not being enough for the man you love more than anything. The day I married you I felt like the luckiest woman, I felt sexy and beautiful and complete, like I had achieved one of my greatest goals, because I was marrying the love of my life and he loved me just as much. And that amazing feeling got 10 times better when I had Aaron, because he was ours; we created him out of love and I felt so proud and completely happy and fulfilled. But somewhere along the line I stopped being the woman of your dreams, I stopped fulfilling your fantasies. And you have NO idea how horrible it is to feel that you failed as a woman. That as a woman I was no longer attractive to you. It made me feel ugly, it made feel dejected, defeated as girl, I'm a failure as a woman, as a wife, and as a mom too because I couldn't keep a family for my son. I'm mad at myself for not being good enough anymore for you, I hate myself for turning the blind eye, for not being strong and end this. Along with my heart you took away my dignity, Noah, my self- respect, how pathetic is that?, You know how painful it was to see that invoice for your reservation at that Napa hotel? When I had begged you for months to go there __**with me!, **__hoping that somehow that could help save whatever was left from this marriage, but after seeing that you were taking Quinn there and not me, I finally admitted that you picked her. How pathetic am I?! You know what else is pathetic?, the fact that for the past 8 months after you go to work and I put Aaron down for his nap, I go into the shower and just cry, there under the hot water, I cry and cry. First I cried out of anger at you for doing this to us, then I cried out of sadness, sadness that I wasn't able to keep you happy, sadness that I stopped being attractive to you, sadness that I was unable to keep my husband faithful to me. I cried out of feeling defeated, out of failure, I cried out of feeling worthless as a woman, I've cried out of utter humiliation, and for the past 3 weeks I've cried out of hate. Hate at myself and the woman I've become, this isn't me, this isn't the woman I want to be, my dads didn't raise me to be this woman, I don't want my son to grow up thinking I'm this weak, afraid little woman without dignity or self-respect. But that ends today, today I chose to stop being this pathetic woman you've made of me. _

_I loved you, Noah Puckerman, with all my heart, with all that I am, I gave you everything! And you took that love and use it against me, I gave you my heart and you broke it, crushed it, and shattered it beyond repair. You broke my heart and hurt me so badly and deeply that I'm not even sure if I will ever love or trust a man again. But as much as I love you, I love my son more. And this isn't what I want him to be, this is not the example I want to give him….because I don't want Aaron to turn out like you. I don't want him to grow up thinking it's okay to cheat on the woman he claims to love. I don't want him to think women have no feelings. I don't want him to think it's okay to have no dignity like me, and let others disrespect you and walk all over you. I've was so afraid to lose you, that I lost myself, I became a woman I don't recognize. I am completely broken, I have no dignity and I'm so lost. This is not the person I want to be, this is not the person I want my son to have as a role model. So I'm leaving you before I completely lose all self-respect. I was selfish tho, for one last time, because deep in my heart you're still the love of my life. I gave myself one last night, one last time to make love to you, to MY husband. One last time to get all this love out, poured it into every kiss and every touch for the last time. _

_I'm going back to NY hoping to find myself, hoping to find the Rachel that came here 5 years ago. Along with this letter I leave you a yellow envelope, inside are the divorce papers I already signed, read them and you'll see I'm asking for joint custody of Aaron, I don't want to keep you away from him, I would never do that to my baby boy. In there is my lawyers card, call her, she knows where to find me and we can work on a schedule for you to see Aaron. I don't want anything from you, keep it all and enjoy it with Quinn, like you've been doing, I'm more than capable to support myself and my son. _

_You know, it's ironic…all your life you spend so much time and energy hating on your father, saying you will never be like him, and yet…here you are, doing to us what he did to you and your mom. Only this time you didn't have the balls to leave us or you just wanted to keep your image of a family man. But I'm done, Noah. I'm so tired of being sad, of being mad, or feeling sorry for myself; so I'm taking my life back. I hope that now that you don't have the burden of us, now that you are free from a marriage with a woman you don't love that you can be happy with the woman you clearly want to be with. Goodbye, Noah_

_I did loved you, so much, so deeply, so completely. _

_Rachel Barbara Berry._

_P.D. – The song playing on the stereo, listen to it. I wrote it for you. Take care of yourself, Puck._

**Hope you all like it! R&amp;R**


	3. Chapter 3

**A.N: I'm sorry it took so long but here it is the new chapter, hope you like it! Please R&amp;R**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee**

When he reached the end of the letter he was sobbing, his tears staining the pages adding to the stains of Rachel's tears. He fell down to his knees and wept, his worst fear came true. His wife had learned of his despicable actions and left him. Only not even in his worst nightmares could he imagined causing Rachel this much pain, reading her words had been like he was been stabbed over and over again in the heart. He knew that if she ever found out about his infidelity he could lose her, but he never let himself think of that, because even the possibility hurt so much, but never before had he experienced such pain. He felt like everything inside of him was being squeezed to death, his heart specially. The pain that her words caused was so much, and yet he knew that if he had her in front of him, telling him this face to face and he was able to see all that pain in her eyes, see how broken she was because of what he had done, then he would be death by now. Reading that she gave up on him and their relationship had been like someone sucked the air out of the room, she had found the invoice, she knew he had taken Quinn to the hotel she wanted to go as a last chance for their marriage! It was becoming harder and harder to breath as her words replayed in his head, she thought she wasn't good enough for him, that she had stopped being attractive to him. He had made her feel ugly and defeated, she thought she had become just duty sex and that he was making love to Quinn, she believed he didn't love her anymore, that hurt deeply, because Quinn was the meaningless sex, and for that he had lost the real love in his life. He loves that woman, he loves Rachel more than life itself and he made her feel worthless? She was the single most amazing woman he had ever met, and for months he was the cause she cried every day, he was the cause she hated herself and felt like a failure. He was the failure! He was the one that hated himself for doing this to her! '_I'm leaving you, Noah Puckerman. I'm leaving because I finally realized you can't save a marriage alone … every time we had sex I knew it wasn't love making anymore… You killed me, Noah… Every day you were with her, with every lie, you killed a little part of my heart… not being enough for the man you love more than anything… Along with my heart you took away my dignity, Noah, my self- respect_' He broke her, he broke Rachel Berry, the girl that had a spirit greater than life and he managed to broke her to the core. She said it, he killed her, turned her into someone that she hates.

**'****_I don't want Aaron to turn out like you_**', that had been the line that felt like a kick to the balls, Rachel took her son because she didn't want Aaron to grow up to be like him, and if he was honest he didn't blame her, he would hate to Aaron to turn out like the man he had become too. And the worst part is, she was right. He had become the person he hated the most, his father, and when Aaron was old enough to know the truth and knows how much pain he put his wonderful mother through, he was going to hate him like Noah hates his own dad. His deadbeat father had been with him just 10 years and still was enough for Noah to end up following his footsteps, yes he had gotten out of Lima, had money and had made something of himself, but that meant nothing when he had hurt and caused so much pain to his wife and son. What did all the money and power was worth when he had lost his reason for living? He had the best girl, he had gotten the woman he loved for all his life to marry him, she gave him a son, one that he could love and raised and he threw all that away for a fuck with his ex. Rachel was the only person that had always believed in him, she had always had this undying faith in him, always told him he was not a Lima Loser, and he had finally disappointed her, proved her that everyone was right, he was a Lima loser, just like his father. Yeah, he wouldn't want his little boy to be like him either, still, it hurt like hell to know he let her down, he let his son down too.

He glanced around the room and he couldn't believe how stupid he was, how didn't he noticed?. The room was so empty. The pictures were gone, all her perfumes and creams weren't in the vanity, her robe wasn't draped over the chair, that's what was missing when he came in, that's why the house felt so weird and cold. Because her warmth was gone, the thing missing was the smell of her food, the sound of her singing along to music, the laughter of his son or his tiny footsteps running around. All the little things he took for granted were now gone, and only now did he truly realized how much does those little things made his life. The song was still playing in the background, and he then took noticed of how pained her voice sounded in it.

He listened to the song as it start again, listening for the first time to the lyrics his wife had wrote for him.

_I know you don't mean to be mean to me_

_'Cause when you want to you can make me feel like we belong_

_We belong_

_Lately you make me feel all I am is a back-up plan_

_I say I'm done and then you smile at me and I forget_

_Everything I said_

_I buy into those eyes_

_And into your lies_

_You say you'll call, but I know you_

_You say you're coming home, but I know you_

_You say you'll call, but I know you won't_

_You say you'll call, but I know you won't_

_I wish you were where you're supposed to be_

_Close to me_

_But here I am just staring at this candle burning out_

_And still no sound_

_Of footsteps on my stairs_

_Or your voice anywhere_

_You say you'll call, but I know you_

_You say you're coming home, but I know you_

_You say you'll call, but I know you won't_

_You say you'll call, but I know you won't_

_You say you'll call, but I know you_

_You say you're coming home, but I know you_

_You say you'll call, but I know you won't_

_You say you'll call, but I know you won't._

Noah was stunned when the song ended before it started all over again a few seconds later. The pain and sorrow he could clearly hear in her voice was breaking him in half. How could he do that? How could he caused her so much pain? When did he became this bastard? When did he became his father?! He slammed his fists against the hardwood floor, looking around the room his eyes landed on a picture Rachel left behind, it was a picture of the two of them; he remembered when it was taken. It was the day after he came to NY to tell her he loved her, they had stayed up all night talking about his time in battle, about how he figured out his feelings for her. The next day Rachel took him out on the city, taking him to all her favorite places. The picture was taken in the Imagine circle for John Lennon in Central Park. He had his arms around Rachel and was kissing her cheek, she was smiling a dazzling, happy smile, her big brown eyes shining as she took the picture. He stood up and grabbed the frame, holding it close to his heart and he came back and laid in bed, he could still smell her vanilla and honey body wash mixed with her strawberry shampoo on her pillow. He grabbed the pillow and pulled it to his nose, needing her scent to envelop him, desperate to feel her close. She was gone, she and his son were gone, Aaron!. Noah jumped out of bed and ran down the hallway and to his son's bedroom. The bedroom was empty. Everything was gone, all that was left was the sky blue walls with clouds that he had painted while Rachel instructed him how when they were getting ready to welcome their son, some toys he didn't play with anymore, and a few pictures. One of him and Aaron on his first birthday 6 months ago, he had been with Quinn then, Rachel knew and yet that day she had been just as loving and happy as ever. She was right, she was a great actress, and he was the biggest asshole. Rachel could read him like a book and see through his lies, she had always been able to do that ever since they were little, and not so long ago he was able to just look into her eyes and see exactly what she was feeling or if something was troubling her; and yet, he wasn't able to see the sadness in her eyes, the pain and hurt inside her for months. Now he knew what it was that he saw in Rachel's eyes the last time they made love, it was sadness and deception, complete and utter heart break.

Noah looked down at the picture in his hand, his little boy was laughing in his arms, completely happy and carefree on his birthday, how many birthdays will he miss now? Would Aaron even want him in his birthdays after he finds out he cheated on his mom? Once he's old enough to understand he destroyed their family and broke the marvelous woman that was his mother? The day Aaron Finn Puckerman was born and placed in his arms was the happiest day of his life, only rivaled by the day he married Rachel; watching that perfect little boy he had created with the woman of his dreams was the best feeling in the world. Watching that little human being that was looking up at him had made him discovered a whole new love, he had loved Beth since the moment he saw her, but he always knew she wasn't his to keep, but him, this little boy was all his, and he had vowed to him that he would dedicate his life to make sure his baby boy was happy and always knew his father loved him and was proud of him. And look at what he had done!

He looked at the picture and dragged his feet back to their bedroom, his bedroom. This house felt so cold and empty without them. He let the cd go on and on, even when the song itself broke his heart, hearing Rachel's voice was something he needed. He needed her, so much, he needed to see her, and begged and grovel on his hands and knees for her to forgive him, to give him one more chance. He couldn't lose her, she was his entire life, and he had no meaning if he lose her. He then remembered where he was coming from, what he had been doing the past couple of days while his wife packed up her things and went away with his son, and he felt sick. Physically sick, he dashed to the bathroom and throw up, he was disgusted with himself. He saw his reflection in the mirror and he couldn't stand to look at it. He hated the man in the mirror, hated the man that had broken the heart of the only woman he would ever love. Noah stripped off and stepped in the shower, needing to clean himself. He remembered what Rachel wrote about being able to smell Quinn on him and he felt filthy. He grabbed the loofa and scrubbed his skin until it was red and raw, needing to get the smell of Quinn out of his body. Noah then began sobbing again, he fell to the floor when his legs gave up on him, and there on the shower floor, sobbing his heart out, he thought of how many times his precious Rachel was there doing the same because of him. A few hours later he stepped out of the shower, cold to his bone, and his skin was still raw but he didn't cared. He curled up back in bed, wrapped around Rachel's pillow, keeping the pictures of his wife and son close to him. He reached to for his phone, he needed to talk to her. He dialed her number and prayed to God she hadn't changed it.

* * *

Rachel was a mess, she knew it, her friends knew it and everyone that looked in her eyes could see it. She envied her son he was still so little that he didn't understand what was happening, and he was easily distracted with all the new toys Blaine and Artie had waiting for him when they arrived at Kurt and Blaine's apartment in the city. He had been happily playing with his uncles all afternoon while they took turns coming to comfort Rachel. She was thankful for her friends, she had no idea what she would do without them right now. Coming back to NYC was harder than she thought, the city that had held her dreams since she was 3 years old, the city that saw her born as a performer. She always thought they day she came to NY she would make the city hers, 5 years ago when she left this place she left happy and full of hopes, never did she thought she would come back with the tail between her legs and defeated, having failed as herself as a woman, failed as wife and failed to her son. She was so embarrassed of the woman she had become, she couldn't believe she had let Noah did this to her and do nothing, that was not Rachel Berry.

She was curled under the blankets on the guest room of Kurt and Blaine's apartment, but from the little crack of the door she could see Aaron playing and laughing on Artie's lap while Blaine had a toy car and was playing with him. She didn't want her baby to see her like this, but she needed to let it all out, she needed to break down now if she wanted to rebuild herself and start a new life for her and her son here. The doorbell sounded and when the door opened there was Santana Lopez, Rachel hadn't seen the Latina for at least 3 years, and yet, the moment Blaine called this morning and explained to her the whole story the Latina quickly canceled all her appointments and didn't even hesitate, she was going to be there for Rachel. Santana had been Noah's friend more than Rachel's for years, ever since high school, Puckerman was the male version of herself, they were bros, they got each other…or so she thought. Because Santana knew what true love, once in a life time kind of love was, the love she had with her wife, and she just couldn't picture herself cheating on Dany no matter who came and offered, not even Brittany, and she thought Puck would be smart enough to know that what he had with Rach was one of a kind and nothing was worth losing it for. She was so mad at Puck for screwing it up to big, but when she came into the apartment and came face to face with the cutest little boy that was a mini Noah Puckerman but with his mom curios and yet friendly look Santana became pissed!. She approached the boys, "_Aaron this is our Aunt Santana", _Blaine told the little boy, who looked up at her and analyzed her for a moment, and after deeming her trustworthy, he put his arms out and made a grabby motion with his hands for he to pick him up. She did, she picked him in her arms and he gave her a kiss on the cheek the way his mommy told him, "_hi aunt San", _and then he laughed and hear the little boy's laughter, made her feel a fussy feeling, something like when she heard her wife laugh. This little boy was perfect in every way, it took one look at him to know the baby boy was all innocence and love and she just couldn't believe Puckerman could be such a freaking bastard to do this having this perfect little boy counting on him. _"Hi Aaron. You are so cute, you know?", _the boy nodded and smiled, "_Mommy tells me cute all the time", _ that answered earned a laughed from everyone and Santana put the boy back in Artie's lap, turning to Blaine, _"Where is she?". _He pointed to the guest bedroom and she went there.

* * *

Rachel had watched the scene and made her cry even more, her baby boy was so precious. Santana came in the room and closed the door. The sight in front of her was not one she had expected or one she was prepared for. Rachel Berry had always been one of the strongest girls she ever knew, she was a pain in the ass but she gave her credit because nothing could break her goals, she was fiercely determined. But in front of her was a ghost of that strong woman she once knew, the girl in front of her curled into a tiny ball under the blankets was completely broken. She was thinner, she looked pale and tired, she had dark circles under her ready puffy and read eyes, but what really shocked Santana was that the light in Rachel's eyes, the one that was so sparkly in high school even after slushies and humiliations were now completely gone. Her big brown eyes were now full of pain and heartbreak. Rachel's sobs were so raw than as she watched her little body shaking from the intensity of them, there was this sudden instinct that kicked in the Latina to protect this girl, to do something to make her stop hurting. Santana took off her shoes and climbed in bed with Rachel and just hugged her, she felt her tears soaking her shirt and the pillow and she rubbed her back when Rachel had a hard time breathing through the sobs. "Why…why di-d h-he do it? H-how could he-e do t-this to us?", Rachel stuttered between hiccups and Santana wished more than anything to gave an answer that could help the girl. But she didn't, "_I don't know, Rach. I can't believe he was such a fucking bastard! I don't know how he could see that little boy and still do something like this". _As Rachel cried again until she exhausted herself and fell asleep Santana's rage grew, she wanted to kick Puck's ass and then go for that whore Quinn and killed her with her bare hands.

Rachel woke up an hour later to the sound Better than Me by Hinder blaring from her phone, she didn't need to look at the caller ID, she knew who it was. She had assigned him that ringtone the day he told her that lie about the business trip, the day she gave up on them. But still seeing his name flashing on the screen, made her breathing became ragged and fear crossed her body, she couldn't talk to him, not yet. It was too soon, it still hurt so much. She began shaking, just staring at the phone as the song kept going as it kept ringing. Sam and Santana came into the room and just looked at her and knew what was happening, "_It's him, isn't it?", _Sam asked already getting angry. Rachel just nodded, her eyes glued to the phone, the blonde guy took one stepped towards the phone when a hand stopped him, Santana then moved forward and grabbed the phone and answered. _"You have some fucking big balls to be calling, asshole! What the hell do you want, Puckerman?!". _ The latina's tone left no room to question she was furious!

* * *

Noah held the phone to his ear, he was crying and his body was shaking and he was just praying that she would pick up. He needed to hear her voice so much than even her voicemail would probably helped him breath. He waited as the phone rang over and over again. He was about to give up the hope, she probably didn't want to talk to him, hell she left him and oved across the fucking country to be away from him, didn't that tell him something?. And yet when he heard the called being answered he felt his heart beating for the first time since he read her letter, only to stopped once again when other voice picked up, the voice of a very pissed Santana Lopez. Puck knew Santana was his bro, but when even she sounded so pissed he knew his chances of talking to his wife were slim to none. He knew what he did was wrong, he knew it since the first time, and yet for some reason he made himself not care about it and kept doing it, and now here he was alone and he had hurt the woman he loved with all his heart, she was broken and miles away with his son and not even his best friend since high school was giving him a chance to fix his mistakes.

Puck forced himself to breath and with a shaky voice he answered, "**_Satan, please just let me talk to her! Please! I need to explain, I need to apologize, I just…..I just need her! I need to hear her voice, I need to know if she's okay?", _**he knew he was begging but he didn't care, he had nothing else to lose. He had lost his everything when Rachel left.

* * *

Hearing him say that only made the Latina even angrier, "_Oh you wanna talk to her? LIKE HELL YOU'RE GONNA TALK TO HER! You need to explain? You need to apologize? A little too late, moron! That might had worked after the first time, and I'm not even sure it would had worked then, because you should had never cheated on her! But after 8 fucking months, Puck?! Yeah TOO freakin' late for apologize and lame ass explanations, you bastard!". _The Latina was pacing the room and Rachel just watched her with silent tears rolling down her cheeks, "NOW you_ need her? NOW You NEED to hear her voice?! Why didn't you needed her this weekend? Or any other time you were fucking that slut?!". _At Santana's harsh words Rachel let out a loud sob and started crying harder, "_How about her needs, huh? Have you considered Rachel need to NOT talk to you, huh? You wanna know if she's okay? You fucking son of a bitch! Of course she is not okay! She just left her bastard of a cheating husband and had to move all the way across the freakin' country with a son! A perfect little boy that is someone an angel and innocence incarnated and looks exactly like you. And now SHE has to explain to the precious boy that his dad won't be coming anytime soon and that although his mommy is totally broken she will somehow make sure he is okay! All because his scumbag of a father couldn't keep his dick in his pants!". _Sam had already rushed to Rachel's side and had her in his arms trying to calm her down. "_So if you really wanna know I'll tell you, she is broken, Puckerman! Completely and utterly broken, she is barely a ghost of the vibrant Rachel Berry that I saw last time years ago. I don't know how you could be such a heartless bastard and do this to her, but congratulations, Puck. You did what years of slushies and humiliations, what her cunt of college teacher, what gigolo Brody and Finn's death couldn't do…you broke her spirit. The light in her eyes is gone, all it's left is sadness and heartbreak, she is thinner, she is pale, she has dark circles under her eyes, the eyes I bet hurt like hell for all she had cried. I held her for two hours while she sobbed until she cried herself to sleep! Does any of that sound okay to you, prick?! Is that enough for you?! Have you caused enough damage?!". _Rachel's sobs had become harder and louder as Santana ranted to Noah, it was too much for Rachel and she began to hyperventilate, which scared Sam because Rachel seemed unable to breath and just couldn't stop crying.

"_Rach…breath, Rach! Rachel breath! RACHEL BREATH!". _Sam was getting scared, he shook Rachel's shoulders to snapped her out of it, but nothing work, she kept hyperventilating, "_Santana! She's not breathing!". _Sam's yells snapped Santana out of her rage trance and she turned around to see Rachel sobbing, hyperventilating and pale as a ghost, "_Oh fuck!". _She dropped the phone and rushed to help Rachel just as the tiny brunette's eyes fluttered closed and she collapsed on Sam's arms.

* * *

He knew Santana was gonna chew his ass off, he knew, he was not expecting her to be so beyond pissed, he didn't expected her to be so vicious to him. He certainly wasn't prepared to such and candid and graphic description of exactly how broken Rachel was. Everything Santana said only made him hate himself more, it made him hurt so bad that she was broken and what she said about Rachel having to explain to Aaron what was going on. But the worst was when he began hearing Rachel crying on the back. He didn't know if that was some sick way of Santana to hurt him by making him hear how she cried or if she simply was so caught up in her rant, she forgot Rachel was there. He assumed the latter as Rachel's sobs became harder and louder but Santana kept her attack.

But Puck froze when he heard Sam's loud voice telling Rachel to breath and then all the screaming, Puck shot up in the bed and kept his ear pressed to the phone, this was not happening, this could not be happening, his Rachel couldn't be in such distress! '_Santana! She's not breathing!_' He could tell just by Sam's voice that the situation was bad, what does he meant Rachel wasn't breathing? How could she not be breathing? Why wasn't she breathing?! Santana's cursed only made the already huge whole in his stomach through which his heart had gone to grow bigger. And then he heard it, the two words he never wanted to hear related to his wife '_Call 911!_' Sam's voice was dripping with fear and urgency and then the call ended and the dial tone was all he heard. No, this was all a nightmare, this couldn't be happening, Rachel was okay, she needed to be okay!

Noah felt to his knees as heart wrenching sobs raked his body, his Rachel had to be okay, nothing can happen to her. He had caused her enough pain and suffering, she didn't deserve any more pain. He thought he would lose his mind. Puck looked up and shook his head, and then do something he hadn't really do since his dad felt them, "**I know I did wrong, I'm a bastard and ****_I _****deserve all this pain! I know I do. But of you wanted to punish me I swear this is more than punishment enough, don't hurt her to punish me. Do anything you want to me, I deserve the worst for doing this to her. But please, please god let her be okay. Punish me but not on her!". **He was openly sobbing and sank on the floor.

**A.N. So I hoped you liked it! **


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